Seven years ago, I took the step in middle school to join the fifth grade band with about a million other people, and me, being so lucky, was chosen to play clarinet with about 20 others. My two best friends across the street played clarinet, and I wanted to too! Little did I know what a hassle it would be for me now a junior in high school. (almost a senior, can't forget that!) Last week, we received our audition music for next year, something new. Usually, we don't do auditions for concert band until after marching band, but my band director finally decided that this would be better because it better shows our playing abilities and some people don't play the same instrument in marching band as they do in concert band. That KILLED me this past year. It was my first year as a drum major/field commander/student director and therefore, I didn't play my instrument for about....5 months. I went down six chairs placements, from 5th chair and playing 2nd part, to 11th...last...playing 3rd. Now for all of you who aren't familiar with all these band terms, even though the directors say that's not the case, chair placements show one's proficiency within the band. First chair is the best player in the band, and last chair is the "worst". Also, there are first, second and third parts, with the first part being the hardest and the third part being the "easiest". While still in the top band, being last chair made me feel horrible, so I signed up for lessons to prevent this next year.
Lessons were awful. I'm a very sensitive person, and I was on some major hormone pills, which made it all the worst. Every Wednesday (pretty much) my mom would drive me out to my teacher's house, and we'd play. I'd feel horrible about my lack of ability, because he would always play complicated pieces from memory, and he taught the best 3 players, as well as the only freshman in the top band. Here I was, a junior, last chair, while the top player was a junior and had only been playing the instrument for a year. Yeah, I felt like crap, often having to hide tears. We stopped the lessons after about 2 months, and I felt even worse when I was called a quitter. Part of me wants to go back, now that I'm a bit more chill, but another just says "save your mom's money." After all, I'm only going to be in band for one more year, since I probably won't play in college.
So now, I'm wetting my new reed and getting ready to practice my music. The chromatic scale is going to kill me, because I never learned it all the way up and down, while other people just zip up and down the whole thing. I feel like I should ask for help, but when? Yeah, it's just a huge fiasco, and hopefully I won't feel as emotional and crappy once I get my destined last chair once more. I hate being pessimistic, I really do, but it just slips out sometimes. I hope I don't get last chair, because we're graduating five seniors in the section, but we're also getting a bunch of kick butt freshman apparently, and there are a bunch of soon to be juniors and a soon to be senior in the other band that have a change to come up. I just gotta work at it! Tryouts are the week after Memorial Day, wish me luck!
Happy Blogging!
-Devon
-Acker BilkI look at my clarinet sometimes and I think, I wonder what's going to come out of there tonight? You never know.
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